Warning: Missing argument 2 for wpdb::prepare(), called in /data/26/2/12/123/2501449/user/2739711/htdocs/wp-content/themes/limon/functions/includes/po.php on line 125 and defined in /data/26/2/12/123/2501449/user/2739711/htdocs/wp-includes/wp-db.php on line 1295

Warning: Missing argument 2 for wpdb::prepare(), called in /data/26/2/12/123/2501449/user/2739711/htdocs/wp-content/themes/limon/functions/includes/po.php on line 201 and defined in /data/26/2/12/123/2501449/user/2739711/htdocs/wp-includes/wp-db.php on line 1295


Oct 10th

Teen Panel 2014: What Teens Want You to Know: What works? (connection) What doesn’t? (control)

Posted by with No Comments

by Dawn M. Decker and Martha Rock

The line of seventeen teenagers stretched across the front of the auditorium at the Jewish Community High School on March 24, 2014.  The room was filled with parents eager to hear the teens’ thoughts in a safe setting.  While a major theme of the teens’ advice is to listen to and get to know your own kid, the parents enjoy getting perspectives from other teens, asking questions they might not ask their own teen and perhaps listening with less judgment.  The teens introduced themselves giving their first names and grade in school; other than that they were “Every Teen” ready to offer their thoughts and wisdom.  They had met periodically for the last five months working with their moderators Martha Rock and Hilary Davis to prepare for this evening.

The planning sessions included hands-on activities designed to encourage discussion about sensitive topics affecting teens and their relationships with their parents. Two examples were Talk Bubbles, an activity which explored differences between how teens view themselves (mostly in positive terms), and how teens think parents perceive them (mostly in negative terms); and What’s on Your Plate? which explored obligations, commitments, and priorities both in and outside of school.

 Understanding Teens  —What do you think is important for parents/adults to know about teens?   The first topic introduced was “What do you think is important for parents/adults to know about teens?”  And the discussion started quickly. Following are the consolidated thoughts of several teens. The teens observed that parents tend to get angry when they see a teen not doing well.  If the parent uses negative reinforcement to try to influence the teen, it doesn’t work—but the teen remembers it.  Teens want you to remember that failure is necessary to learn life’s lessons and they need your support.  Some teens want you to reach out and keep trying even if they push you away.  They want their independence but still need their parent’s support (and money).  Cultivate a relationship where they can come to you without fear of being scorned or being told that you’re too busy.  They need a net and “the best net is your parents”. One parent resolved to boost the number of positive comments to their teen in case only the negative statements were making a lasting impression.

Time Management/Stress/Sleep—How can we as parents motivate you without stressing you out?     In discussing the competing demands on their time, teens agreed that they really want support saying no to some opportunities.  They feel like they have too much on their plates and can’t excel at everything. Practicing prioritizing and saying no to less important activities will help relieve some of the pressure.  Teens feel that positive advice is more helpful in motivating them without pushing.  They want you to help them discover what they like to do, not what you want them to do.  “At the core, no one can be motivated by what other people want them to do”.  One teen claimed “Sleep is rare.  I average 4-5 hours per night”.  They also made clear that they don’t like to be asked how much homework they had left or to be told constantly to go to bed.  “Bring a snack, not a lecture”. They want to learn to manage their own time.

Relationships–How to have a good, open, trusting relationship?   The teens indicated that they were more apt to talk to the parent that they felt was less judgmental.  A particularly ineffective way to get your message across was to preach about a negative behavior and then ask the teen if they were doing it. If your teen comes to you, these teens want you to know that it is a privilege and it means that you’ve done a good job.  Some of the teens found it most useful when parents discussed their values (not just rules) when drawing lines for behavior. These teens felt like they could make better decisions understanding and applying the values.    The teens also observed that the kids with really strict parents are the ones that “go the most crazy” when they leave home!

Sex and Drugs—How to have an effective Sex/Drug Talk.  The teens had a lot to say on this topic and may benefit from having those awkward conversations with a trusted adult who is not their parent. It was encouraging to know that teens have access to many sources of helpful information.   Here is what these teens want you to know:

“Make sure that your kids know they never owe anyone sex”

There is common ground:  “My mom told me ‘I don’t want you to get a girl pregnant.  I don’t want you to get HIV’.  Well that is what I want too!”

Another emphasized the concise definition of consent—it is not the ABSENCE of a no, it is the PRESENCE of a yes and it is also being in a state of sobriety where you are able to say yes.

A conversation with your teen should be non-accusatory—it shouldn’t be an interrogation—it should be an open dialogue.  And if they come to you to talk about their friends, they don’t want your judgment.  They are trying to process it themselves. A sex talk doesn’t necessarily have to be with your parents.  It can be with a coach or what is taught at school. The perception that if teens are provided with contraception it will cause them to have more sex is not true.

Intimate relationships in the age of hooking up–There was no agreed upon definition of “hook-up” so make sure you know what it means to the speaker and in the context.  To one teen, it meant anything from making out to sexual intercourse, while another felt it was anything short of actual sex.  Hooking up is more casual than dating.  It didn’t have to be with someone who was important to you.  Safe sex practices seem to be the norm.  One teen offered that they never heard anyone saying that they had had sex without a condom.

Social media —Pros and Cons.  Some teens felt that they spent too much time on it—the “cons outweigh the pros but that doesn’t stop us”.  The teens suggest that you reiterate the risks of social media.  They had heard stories of colleges rescinding acceptances after seeing pictures posted of students taking drugs or drinking. They felt it was an infringement if parents went through their electronic “stuff” and unfair if they are punished for matters discovered on their phones or computers.  The concluding remark on social media was “When used correctly, social media can be a powerful tool to connect socially.”

Lying  — When are you likely to lie?   A question from the audience quoted Po Bronson saying “Teens do not tell the truth the majority of the time”, and then asked if the teens agreed with that statement and what did they lie about.  More than one teen said that they lied about having homework done or how much homework they had because they didn’t want to be nagged about it.  They felt they were capable of managing their time and didn’t need to be asked about it constantly.  Or they lie about how they did on a test because they didn’t want to be yelled at if they did poorly or be told it still wasn’t good enough when they did well.  Their bottom line: if you want to be told the truth as a parent, then react in a way that makes them want to tell you the truth.

And there you have it.  It seems safe to say that everyone involved is looking forward to next year’s Teen Panel. The Parents Coalition of Bay Area High Schools is deeply grateful to the teen panelists and their families for supporting this discussion that we hope improves family relationships in our community.

 Parting Thoughts:

  • Every teen is different; every teen is different every day.
  • Everything seems impossible until it is done.
  • Appreciate the time you have with your child.
  • Be yourself.  Be honest and be yourself.
  • Accept your teen as they are.
  • Teenagers are largely irrational creatures.  Our ears are always open and we hear what you say whether we choose to act on it.
  • Say “Wow you must have really worked hard on that” instead of “Wow you are really good at that.”
  • Don’t live vicariously through your teen.  We all find our niches.  Make sure you are the kind of person that they want to invite to what they are doing.
  • Don’t try to force things.  Let the conversation be organic.
  • Parents should get to know their teen as another person.  For every negative thing you say you should say three positive things.
  • Empathy is a powerful tool.  Give them the chance to know you too.
  • If you are confused, they probably are too.
  • Be open, don’t be judgmental.  Find out what your teen needs from you for support.  Keep cool when arguing.
  • We all need help and to be loved.  Look for those moments.
  • Teenagers are moody.  It isn’t your fault.
  • They are struggling to figure out whom they are and how to do things.  Model behavior. Allow them to solve problems by trial and error.


Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

  1. Peterved
    April 16, 2019 at 6:17 am

    With thanks, Ample advice.

    cialis aarp
    cialis 20 mg
    cialis hypertrophie bГ©nigne de la prostate
    [url=http://cialisttk.com/]cialis 20 mg[/url]

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  2. Peterved
    April 16, 2019 at 10:54 am

    You definitely made the point!
    what effect does alcohol have on cialis cialis generic cialis dapoxetine online [url=http://cialisttk.com/]cialis online[/url]
    can cialis increase libido
    cialis santГ© az
    cialis para hombres sanos
    que es cialis professional
    can you break a cialis pill in half
    kamagra und cialis gleichzeitig

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  3. Peterved
    April 16, 2019 at 11:51 am

    Beneficial facts. Many thanks!
    taking two 20mg cialis cheap cialis counterfeit cialis uk [url=http://cialismsnntx.com/]cialis generic[/url]
    cialis joke video
    cost of once daily cialis
    acheter cialis en ligne paypal
    que es el cialis y cuanto cuesta
    cialis for bph dose
    viagra cialis drug interaction

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  4. Peterved
    April 16, 2019 at 12:59 pm

    Kudos, A good amount of data!

    viagra vs cialis which is better cialis 20 mg generische cialis bestellen [url=http://cialispego.com/]cheap cialis[/url]
    cialis recommended dose
    cialis wirkung verbessern
    north american cialis
    efficacite cialis 10mg
    weekenders cialis
    what is recommended dosage for cialis

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  5. Peterved
    April 16, 2019 at 1:47 pm

    Appreciate it. Lots of advice!

    farmacia popular cialis cialis generic vertu du cialis [url=http://cialisttk.com/]cialis without a doctor prescription[/url]
    best prices cialis generic
    can you mix ambien and cialis
    can i break a cialis in half
    how long before sex do u take cialis
    cialis akcia
    porque tomar cialis diario

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  6. Peterved
    April 16, 2019 at 2:50 pm

    This is nicely expressed. !
    cialis lunge buy cialis online cialis dosage and age [url=http://cialisttk.com/]buy cialis online[/url]
    cialis c20 pills
    beneficio de cialis
    european meds online buy cialis professional
    eu versandapotheke cialis
    what are the effect of cialis
    best results of cialis

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  7. Peterved
    April 16, 2019 at 4:03 pm

    Good advice. Appreciate it!
    mezza dose di cialis cialis 20 mg levitra viagra cialis comparativa [url=http://cialismsnrx.com/]cialis without a doctor prescription[/url]
    le cialis ‘once a day’
    is cialis covered by aetna
    discussioni sul cialis
    citrato de sildenafila ou cialis
    cialis ne marche plus
    exces de cialis

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  8. Peterved
    April 16, 2019 at 4:41 pm

    Thanks! Wonderful information.
    user reviews of cialis buy cialis online new cialis pharmacy [url=http://cialismsnntx.com/]cialis generic[/url]
    meilleure utilisation du cialis
    cialis 20 portugal
    pharmacie qui vend du cialis sans ordonnance
    does cialis make you ejaculate quicker
    cialis ad campaign
    cialis debeka

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  9. Peterved
    April 16, 2019 at 5:39 pm

    Nicely put. Many thanks!
    best place to buy liquid cialis cialis generic cialis w lodzi [url=http://cialismsnrx.com/]cialis 20mg[/url]
    trial packs viagra + cialis + levitra
    cialis advantages disadvantages
    effetti collaterali cialis lungo termine
    buy cialis 5mg
    cialis gГјnstig bestellen
    recommended dosage cialis

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  10. Peterved
    April 16, 2019 at 6:51 pm

    You have made the point.
    cialis remedio preço cialis 20 mg cialis 10 mg composizione [url=http://cialisttk.com/]cialis online[/url]
    reviews for cialis black
    cialis a 25 ans
    cialis salerno
    cialis and bad breath
    doctissimo cialis generique
    cialis ja viagra yhteiskäyttö

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  11. Peterved
    April 16, 2019 at 6:54 pm

    Seriously many of wonderful information.
    does cialis or viagra help with premature ejaculation cialis generic side effects of taking cialis and viagra together [url=http://cialismsnntx.com/]cialis generic[/url]
    onde comprar cialis em sp
    que hace la cialis
    cialis e edema polmonare
    original cialis meds
    cialis viagra kombinieren
    equivalent du cialis

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  12. Peterved
    April 16, 2019 at 7:38 pm

    Fantastic posts, Cheers!
    jual cialis eceran buy cialis online what works faster viagra or cialis [url=http://cialismsnntx.com/]cialis online[/url]
    pastillas cialis cuanto cuesta
    comment acheter du cialis
    cialis a scopo terapeutico
    cialis dexedrine
    cialis farbe
    cost of viagra cialis

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  13. Marcushow
    April 16, 2019 at 8:40 pm

    Amazing content. Thanks a lot.
    cialis et prostatite generic cialis aumentar efecto cialis [url=http://cialisttk.com/]cialis 20mg[/url]
    cialis for erectile dysfunction
    difference entre cialis viagra et levitra
    cialis pas chere livraison rapide
    buy real cialis canada
    cialis und herzrhythmusstörungen
    is cialis covered under express scripts

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  14. Marcushow
    April 16, 2019 at 8:58 pm

    You actually expressed that wonderfully.
    cuanto cuesta cialis en mexico df cialis 20mg why are there bathtubs in the cialis commercial [url=http://cialispego.com/]buy cialis online[/url]
    cialis stuffy nose remedy
    cialis effect minutes
    kelebihan dan kekurangan cialis
    what all is cialis used for
    price cialis boots
    công dụng thuốc cialis

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  15. Marcushow
    April 16, 2019 at 9:56 pm

    Regards. A lot of data!

    come avere il cialis generic cialis cialis en vente en ligne [url=http://cialispego.com/]generic cialis[/url]
    cialis wirkungslos
    how is cialis excreted
    per comprare il cialis occorre la ricetta medica
    como comprar cialis em portugal
    cialis hinweise
    cialis 2 5 preço

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  16. Marcushow
    April 16, 2019 at 10:35 pm

    Nicely put. Thank you.
    cialis bei bluthochdruck buy cialis online does walmart sale cialis [url=http://cialismsnntx.com/]cialis 20 mg[/url]
    canada buy cialis online
    cialis 5 mg em portugues
    cialis performance anxiety
    cialis es igual al viagra
    cialis para la calvicie
    cialis x viagra qual o melhor

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  17. Marcushow
    April 16, 2019 at 11:33 pm

    Thanks a lot. Awesome stuff.
    cialis et anesthesie cheap cialis best use of cialis [url=http://cialispego.com/]cheap cialis[/url]
    viagra cialis levitra test
    how to purchase cialis in canada
    how much is 5 mg cialis
    cialis patent generic
    taking diovan and cialis
    co to jest tabletka cialis

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  18. Marcushow
    April 17, 2019 at 12:44 am

    You actually said it terrifically!
    cialis diario vantagens cialis online extended use of cialis [url=http://cialispego.com/]generic cialis[/url]
    cialis 2 5mg kaufen
    que es cialis tadalafil
    cialis quel age
    cialis bodybuilding pump
    unterschied viagra kamagra cialis
    cialis П„О№ОјО® ОµОїП†

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  19. Marcushow
    April 17, 2019 at 1:37 am

    Truly all kinds of very good tips!
    pastile cialis preturi cheap cialis qual o valor do cialis generico [url=http://cialismsnrx.com/]buy cialis online[/url]
    cialis oki
    achat cialis net
    express scripts prior authorization form for cialis
    cialis zerkleinern
    tratamiento disfuncion erectil cialis
    is cialis more dangerous than viagra

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  20. Marcushow
    April 17, 2019 at 2:42 am

    Awesome posts, Thank you!
    qual o melhor viagra levitra ou cialis cialis 20 mg where can i buy cialis online in australia [url=http://cialisttk.com/]cialis generic[/url]
    vencimiento patente cialis
    cialis y cannabis
    century jual cialis
    cialis axio
    cialis caduta capelli
    actors cialis commercials

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  21. Marcushow
    April 17, 2019 at 2:59 am

    Wow all kinds of excellent advice!
    cialis kohlpharma gmbh cialis online cialis lasts 36 hours [url=http://cialismsnrx.com/]generic cialis[/url]
    achat cialis en pharmacie
    when do i have to take cialis
    il cialis ГЁ detraibile
    laboratoire qui fabrique le cialis
    cialis e prostata cura
    se puede combinar priligy y cialis

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  22. Marcushow
    April 17, 2019 at 3:59 am

    Whoa a good deal of awesome material.
    cost cialis walmart pharmacy buy cialis online cialis generique algerie [url=http://cialismsnrx.com/]cialis 20 mg[/url]
    dosi di cialis
    difference between extenze and cialis
    cialis kullanan yorumlar
    smiling bob cialis commercial
    when to take 36 hour cialis
    where can i buy cialis online usa

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  23. Marcushow
    April 17, 2019 at 4:39 am

    You expressed that terrifically.
    cialis opiniao cialis generic cialis adagolГЎs [url=http://cialismsnrx.com/]buy cialis online[/url]
    comprar levitra y cialis
    cialis 20 mg alkohol
    cialis 10 mg experience
    is viagra or cialis over the counter
    how to get cialis in australia
    cialis scatola

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  24. Marcushow
    April 17, 2019 at 5:39 am

    Incredible quite a lot of terrific info.
    cialis en poudre cialis without a doctor prescription generic cialis illegal [url=http://cialispego.com/]buy cialis online[/url]
    cialis tabletta 20 mg
    cialis and crestor
    acheter cialis 10mg
    effetti collaterali assunzione cialis
    terapia a base di cialis
    ebay viagra cialis

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  25. Marcushow
    April 17, 2019 at 6:52 am

    Amazing loads of superb material.
    cialis 5 forum cialis without a doctor prescription cialis side effects aggression [url=http://cialismsnntx.com/]cialis without a doctor prescription[/url]
    eu uso cialis
    cialis for sale online in canada
    generic cialis risks
    cialis virkning pГҐ kvinder
    posso tomar metade do cialis
    cialis what dosage is best

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  26. Marcushow
    April 17, 2019 at 6:56 am

    Appreciate it, Loads of material!

    qual a dose de cialis cialis 20 mg cialis sirve [url=http://cialismsnntx.com/]cialis without a doctor prescription[/url]
    drinking alcohol while taking cialis
    cialis low blood pressure
    what is the drug cialis for
    non prescription pills like cialis
    forum cialis senza ricetta
    black guy in cialis commercial

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  27. Marcushow
    April 17, 2019 at 8:53 am

    Truly loads of helpful tips!
    taking cialis and l-arginine cialis 20 mg combinar cialis y levitra [url=http://cialismsnrx.com/]cialis generic[/url]
    cialis slovakia
    what is the highest dosage of cialis
    cialis oder generika
    cialis 40 mg precio
    uso diario del cialis
    cialis tutti giorni

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  28. Marcushow
    April 17, 2019 at 10:12 am

    Superb information. Thanks.
    vente cialis espagne buy cialis online cialis best price usa [url=http://cialismsnntx.com/]cialis generic[/url]
    cialis new zealand
    que son las pildoras cialis
    utilisation du cialis 5mg
    existen genericos de cialis
    why the tubs in cialis
    using cialis for performance anxiety

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  29. Marcushow
    April 17, 2019 at 10:53 am

    You expressed it really well.
    preço cialis drogaria sp generic cialis se puede tomar cialis despues de comer [url=http://cialispego.com/]cialis without a doctor prescription[/url]
    cialis naisilla
    czy cialis pomaga
    what happens if you stop taking cialis
    do you need a prescription for cialis in hong kong
    mi experiencia con cialis
    commande cialis 5mg

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  30. Marcushow
    April 17, 2019 at 11:54 am

    Good postings. Thanks!
    cuanto cuesta cialis generic cialis can cialis cause liver damage [url=http://cialispego.com/]cialis generic[/url]
    preis cialis 20mg lilly deutschland
    remedio cialis valor
    cialis ne kadar etkili
    cialis 10 mg halbieren
    can you buy cialis over the counter in spain
    joomla hacked cialis

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  31. Marcushow
    April 17, 2019 at 1:08 pm

    Kudos! Ample tips!

    cialis szczecin cheap cialis wann läuft das patent von cialis aus [url=http://cialispego.com/]cialis generic[/url]
    cialis a metГ 
    cialis in polen bestellen
    cialis pour jeune homme
    36 hour cialis video
    prix du cialis 5mg en pharmacie france
    free cialis sample pack

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  32. Marcushow
    April 17, 2019 at 1:13 pm

    You actually stated that adequately!
    cialis daily 2.5 mg cost cialis without a doctor prescription buy cialis online vipps [url=http://cialisttk.com/]generic cialis[/url]
    cialis price boots chemist
    e cig e-cialis
    quanto dura il cialis da 5 mg
    comprar cialis en farmacia
    does cialis have health benefits
    cialis aspirin drug interaction

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  33. Marcushow
    April 17, 2019 at 1:18 pm

    Whoa lots of beneficial advice.
    ambien mixed with cialis cialis without a doctor prescription cialis palermo [url=http://cialispego.com/]buy cialis online[/url]
    miglior sito per acquistare cialis online
    tengo hipertension puedo tomar cialis
    generique cialis belgique
    lowest price on cialis
    is it safe to take cialis with metoprolol
    cialis 5 mg al giorno

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  34. Marcushow
    April 17, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    Information nicely utilized!!
    cuanto tarda en hacer efecto el cialis cialis online viagra o cialis mejor [url=http://cialismsnrx.com/]cialis generic[/url]
    effetto cialis per donne
    que tiempo dura el efecto de cialis
    counterfeit cialis uk
    cialis interaction with ibuprofen
    cialis onset of effect
    cialis 20mg boite de 4 prix

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  35. Marcushow
    April 17, 2019 at 3:14 pm

    Cheers, An abundance of facts.

    cialis online coupons cialis generic cialis punture [url=http://cialisttk.com/]generic cialis[/url]
    cialis half life graph
    cialis ejakulation
    cialis and grapefruit products
    bcbs of alabama cialis
    cialis for heart disease
    shelf life cialis pills

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  36. Marcushow
    April 17, 2019 at 4:34 pm

    Superb forum posts. Cheers.
    why can you take nitrates with cialis cheap cialis quanto tempo prima del rapporto va assunto il cialis [url=http://cialisttk.com/]buy cialis online[/url]
    acheter cialis original forum
    cialis 20 mg dosaggio
    cialis cena u apotekama
    compare cialis vs viagra
    cialis tablettenteiler
    cialis en drank

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  37. Marcushow
    April 17, 2019 at 5:18 pm

    Superb information. Cheers.
    can you take cialis with beta blockers cialis online programa do cialis diario [url=http://cialismsnrx.com/]cialis 20mg[/url]
    qual Г© melhor o viagra ou cialis
    safe dose of cialis
    cialis with ibuprofen
    cual es el similar de cialis
    cialis tadalafil eli lilly
    qual e a formula do cialis

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  38. Marcushow
    April 17, 2019 at 7:42 pm

    Kudos! Ample write ups.

    what is the deal with the bathtubs in the cialis commercials cialis online cialis and antidepressants [url=http://cialismsnntx.com/]cialis 20mg[/url]
    tried cialis
    why cialis may not work
    cialis and sun exposure
    erektionsproblem trotz cialis
    real cialis tv commercial
    tiempo de efecto del cialis

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  39. Marcushow
    April 17, 2019 at 7:47 pm

    Kudos, I like this.
    testosterone replacement cialis cheap cialis qual o remedio generico do cialis [url=http://cialismsnrx.com/]cialis 20mg[/url]
    cialis daueranwendung
    beli cialis di bandung
    cheap cialis uk suppliers
    cialis 20mg achat en ligne
    what exactly does cialis do
    mezclar cialis con cocaina

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *