Raising Sexually Healthy Kids: A Resource List

For those parenting/working with kids 0-12:
From Diapers to Dating, by Debra Haffner. Haffner is a Unitarian Universalist minister. Her book is both practical and comforting.

Talk to Me First How to be an “askable parent.”

Beyond Birds & Bees: Bringing Home a New Message to Our Kids About Sex, Love, and Equality

Planned Parenthood free online “Tool Kits” for help talking to kids of all ages.

Parents of boys: Decoding Boys: The New Science Behind the Subtle Art of Raising Sons

For those parenting/working with teens:
Shafia Zaloom’s Sex Teens & Everything in Between. This is my #1 recommendation for parents and teens. It is absolutely essential.

The essay “An Immodest Proposal” by Heather Corinna is paradigm-shifting

“The Talk: How Adults Can Promote Young People’s Healthy Relationships and Prevent Misogyny and Harassment.” A report from Making Caring Common. Also their webinar, “The Talk,” and video series, “Teens and Ethical Romantic Relationships”

Challenging Casanova debunks the myth of the sex-crazed teen boy.

And, obviously, Girls & Sex, (along with the TED Talk it inspired) as well as Boys & Sex.

Resources to provide for children and pre-teens
Ages 4-12
Any of the books by Robie Harris: It’s Not the Stork, It’s So Amazing and It’s Perfectly Normal. These are the books to have on hand before a child asks, “Where did I come from?”

Grades 5-8
AMAZE.org Real info in animated videos that give all the answers they actually want, including what you need to start the porn conversation.

What’s Happening to My Body (both the girl and boy versions regardless of a child’s gender)

Dating Smarts: What Every Teen Needs To Know To Date, Relate Or Wait for younger teens.

General Resources for high school & college students
S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-To-Know Sexuality Guide to Get You Through Your Teens and Twenties by Heather Corinna. Along with Zaloom’s book (above), my #1 recommendation.

The web sites Scarleteen, sexetc.org, and Go Ask Alice offer excellent, accurate info.

Emily Nagoski’s TED talks, “Unlocking the Door to Your Own Sexual Well-Being,” and “The Truth About Unwanted Arousal”: crucial myth-busters about female sexuality for all genders.

Especially for boys:
Dating and Sex: A Guide for the 21st Century Teen Boy, Respect and, to counter porn’s distortions, She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

Further Resources on Consent:
“What If We Treated All Consent Like Society Treats Sexual Consent?” A comic strip (there is a curse word-free version available)
“No ‘I’ in Sex” another comic, great on masculinity and consent.
Scarleteen offers thorough explanation for teens.
Planned Parenthood has a concise web page and a fabulous video series, consent 101. Also check out their acronym, FRIES.
Why consent is like a cup of tea? (this is definitely for younger kids); or like ping pong!
The video series F*ck yes is great for teens: R-rated—or maybe a hard PG-13, you decide.

Resources on raising/working with LGBTQA+ kids
This is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids by Kristin Russo
The Family Acceptance Project material for those whose religion or heritage feels in conflict with their child’s sexuality
Raising the Gender Creative Child, by Diane Eherensaft.

Resources for kids on self-objectification, body image, media literacy and gender
Must-see documentaries: Miss Representation and The Mask You Live In
TEDx Video: An Epidemic of Beauty Sickness
Dove’s classic “Evolution” video
I love “Put Yourself First in a Sexy Way” and “The Sexy Getting Ready Song” from the TV show “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.” Pointed and funny: I’d rate it PG-13.
For Boys: “Wet Dreams and False Images” trailer

Resources for discussing pornography:
7 Tips for Talking to Kids About Porn from Common Sense Media
“How to Have the Porn Talk” from Culture Reframed
Scarleteen has a great essay for your teen (or pre-teen) to read.
The documentary Hot Girls Wanted (Age 16+): tells truths about the “amateur porn” industry
Emily Rothman at Boston U. has an outstanding TED Talk and offers porn literacy workshops.